"What is this?" part 2

If you would have told me in September of 2008 the church that I was "helping out" at would be the same place God would make me a Children's Pastor, I would have laughed. All I was doing was helping out a friend from Biola who was short some volunteers. Yet it was God's baby step for me to open my heart to ministry again. Over the next 5 months I loved on my jr. high girls, some of whom I had taught sunday school to when they where five. I asked "What is this" because I received a joy that I had not known in quite some time. It was me, being in ministry, doing what God called me to do.

March 19th 2008 my world changed. I got a call from the jr. high leader saying we "HAD" to go to lunch and he had some news for me. We grabbed lunch and he told me that the children's pastor was resining. I wish I had better words to describe how I felt, I was terrified and ecstatic. "What is this?" This was the faintest of hopes that had lived on in my heart that one day, God would give me another opportunity to serve His kids in a church ministry. With a hopeful heart and after an hour of soul searching prayer, I dusted off my children's ministry resume and turned it in that very afternoon.

"What is this?" I was hurt by the church, I was broken. I was never going back to open myself up to allowing this to happen again. Yet, with confidence and peace I submitted my resume for a position my heart feared to want. A week went by, then I was called into meet with the executive pastor. I was asked to pray about a part time interim position. Interim, "What is this?" This means that my heart could be easily shattered again, this means that in four months all that I have worked for could be taken away from me! After praying God quietly impressed on my heart that these are my children, they need some one to lead them. Lead my children. Take care of them, they need you.

I accepted the position and started that Sunday. It was a home run fit. The staff, the kids, the volunteers, the church family all fit. I continued to ask my self "What is this?" it seemed as everyone continued to support me, could this really be where I was supposed to be? Could this be what God wants for me? The interim position was supposed to go through 2 weeks after "Summer Blast" (our version of VBS). In June I was offered a full time position 6 weeks ahead of when we were supposed to "evaluate". "What is this?" I didn't even have to think, (though I did). I knew that this is where God had called me, this is what God wanted me to do.

Shortly after the Senior Pastor asked me to prayerfully consider becoming licensed as a pastor and changing my title to "Pastor of Children's Ministry"

Seriously "WHAT IS THIS?" I have never had the aspiration to become a "pastor". Many are uncomfortable with women having the title, some feel its fine if your a only a children's pastor. I prayed about it. A LOT. It was a gradual realization, on of the kids calling me "Pastor Ashley", a mom of one of my old jr. high girls coming to me for council, knowing that this regardless of how hard it may be, is what God had called me to. November 1st I was licensed as a pastor, November 15th I was publicly prayed over of the church. It was an honor to have my father be one of the people who prayed over me. He was a pastor for much of my childhood before the church politics got to him.

The path that I have followed has left me asking nearly each step, WHAT IS THIS?!? Yet, each baby step, each heart break, each smile of a child has left me only more confident now, that this is what God has called me to do. I am a Children's Pastor and I am seeking to be the very best that I can be.